I Expected to Free You

Richard said I could

release you,

he said
Rip seeds
from the beaks
of the two
Taxidermied Emberizidae
perched on the windowsill-
Independent Canyon Cocked
to the door
Desperate Abert,
to him-
Droned expectation after dark
Nestling in my dried blood, close
pleading monogamy to you, dead
Richard said
Familiarity’s extinct, but Derrick isn’t.
He floats over farm fields in Baja
You incubate depressions in Sinaloa
Singing the same song,
Singing the same song
In pairs
Or alone.

Underpaid

The Herd Bellows!
The mistake note
plucked, Weeping,
weeping-
Applause leak
Quiet
Quiet
Strings and drinks slurring
Meeting tapping shaking Hands
Dancing-
shaking shaking shaking
Mistake, he cries! The deaf know
No different dance
He beats
Splintered palms
into black cheeks
3/4 time
no mistakes,
no mistakes
he heard

A Piece for a Soloist and Orchestra


the low screeching of dawn
orchestrates timid footsteps

it’s the time of year when the weeping violins shed skins and emerge as brass but they (still) tell us to hide our children,
so we do

and they reproduce

despite our efforts
nothing is fixed

I escaped early-

mute and standing straight, carrying bags- oh,

ugly people, ugly streets,
ugly thoughts, ugly me
it’s dreadful

desiring
hollow contentment to pierce this thinning scalp

but what else?


it’s cracking at noon and the music’s
depleting

open mouths open eyes inhale
debris in C minor
expecting?

(exhausted fulfillment)
evening
the exposed and inconsolable mothers marvel the translucence of time while their babies claw at endometrium and jab their uteri
alone-
just
Dying

to get out

and scream

I really just don't want to lose this when my computer dies

“Anabel. Listen to me right now because I’m not just saying this because of how much I love and adore you. There is no reason for him not to love you. You are one of the most visually stunning girls I have ever seen. Sometimes I look at you and find it hard to stop. As if that’s not enough, you also happen to be, if possible, even more gorgeous on the inside. You care, genuinely, about people. You listen. You make everyone feel special, you make everyone see things in a different way. You change the life of everyone around you for the better. You made me better. You’re the one person on this Earth who deserves what you want. There’s no reason or justification for his actions towards you, but it certainly isn’t anything you could control. Any boy given even a moment of your attention must feel kissed with the grace of God. I think you deserve to give others your love. He has his own issues. Never let him cause you to think you’re any less of the (for the lack of a better term) angel that you are.”

Realizations from the Grave

I’ve never touched death but his vigilance exposes-
Beckoning from sterile, strange,
Expectant poses-
Stored in cryogenic vessels, his chants locked and forgone

The man who extinguished the exaltation of dawn

Dismissed, deemed “misplaced” admiration
He ignites my murderous temptation

Ecstasy, a fragile myth, buried on his behalf
“Discontentment” “Discernment”: my imposing epitaph-

Awaiting, awaiting, awaiting
(Escaping, Escaping, escaping)

Misery, trapped in gas
Shatters my depleting hourglass

Bullshit


A coat of black hair huffing somewhat rhythmically (thinking it will get me wet) in my ear –
The Suitor: an over-weight, undesired troll breathing in,
out, tasting 3 day old, left-on-his-ashy-counter-beer,
thinking his hands have any place within
my sterile lips
I want to get out fast.
But he pleads, so nicely as his oily fingers marinate my hips
“Good for child bearing” and his filth, disgustingly endearing, so I see how long he can last
By the end I’m screaming, in-love, this is my new fuck buddy, it’s been too long-
Next to me my prince dreams (mouth open, drooling) while I’m crowning him,
mimicking the tremors of his breath, admiring his godly schlong,
perfecting, perfecting: just a nose-plug, just a trim.
However,
The hours dishevel my existence into an anonymous, “Who?”
Yellow teeth, wretched breath: “Loving someone can’t make someone love you.”